M.S.S. - Our Readers Show Their Love
Note to our loyal readers: We have been truly overwhelmed and amazed at the number and quality of responses we have received. We have several hundred emails we haven't even gotten a chance to read yet. So if you don't see your own contribution listed it is not for lack of humor (well, usually) or anything else except lack of time for us to go through them all. Keep those responses coming and we'll do our best to get the best ones up for all to enjoy. Thanks, the Editor.

-- Newest additions --

"And help me save Christmas for the children..."

-- Carl Duddin

M.S.S. - The Return

-- Troy Zimmermann

Yee-haw!

-- Sparky

This answers SO many questions...

-- J

You will get no satisfaction, Infidel. This I assure you.

-- Eric Dytzel

 

The first of our fan (i.e. stalker) letters to M.S.S. ...
My feelings as usual?  I love and adore you.  Sometimes I sit and daydream about you in your beret.  In my fantasy, we are grocery shopping for all sorts of Egyptian delicacies unavailable to the average Iraqi shopper.   We hold hands and sigh and giggle.  When we come to the toilet tissue aisle, you foolishly tear open the package and wrap your head like a Beduoin.  We laugh and laugh and laugh and then suddenly go silent with the immense emotion of the moment. An announcer comes over the loud speaker advertising dish towels in yellow, green and radiant MARINE blue.  You tremble and I hold you close.  That is when I notice we should move rapidly into the toiletries section.  These dreams keep me alive till we meet somewhere in Northern Georgia at some point someday. Perhaps we will raise Alpacas for their wool.  Maybe not. Who can say?  After this, all is silence.
Sincerely
-- DSM

... And the first response: Uh-oh, looks like a cat fight...
Reply to DSM:
Your fantasy, I can say, and I am responsible for what I am saying, is a lie!  All you tell is lies, lies and more lies!  M.S.S. is MY MAN!  I am meeting him in our secret location IN ONE HOUR!  Grocery store?  There is no grocery store; I triple guarantee you this!  M.S.S. and I bask together (long dramatic pause)...in our secret location not even within 100 miles of Baghdad!  I am the only woman wearing his sexy beret you infidel!  I am the only woman allowed to press his shirt -- Allah be Praised!  On this occasion I will only mention this of my secret meetings with M.S.S. -- We love to pretend we are in a Hollywood Movie!  (On the subject of sex with M.S.S.:) Be assured -- our 'special relationship' is safe, protected.  We even go into the VIP section of the airport, just because Saddam Hussein may have slept in such a bed!  In fact, tonight we will do something unconventional!
Your fantasy is not worth an old shoe DSM!
I will kick your backside!
-- KEA

... And now the cat fight has been joined by a nice Egyptian girl
Reply to DSM and KEA - MSS with an infidel? By God,this is highly unlikely! I have detailed information which completely proves what you both allege is now too far from reality.
It is well known to all that the esteemed Minister of Information loves only Egyptian women. This web site has documented this fact, truly.
I can triple guarantee you, no OLOOJ infidel would, by ALLAH, ever be permitted to lay one filthy, cave dwelling finger on his beret, or his gloriously pressed shirt!
Be assured, what you insane little dwarfs are alleging, by god, is merely prattle!
You are both sick in your minds! You are retarded!
However, I encourage you to continue basking in your illusions!
I can say and I am responsible for what I am saying, you both should now be crying outside the walls of your cities waiting to receive bullets and shoes! You will receive them shortly.
ALLAH has condemned you and your lies. You are both stupid!
You are both stupid (dramatic pause) and you are both condemned.
- Cleo

We thought the Matrix could use some more publicity, so...

-- Neil F. Johnson

We don't remember him having a gap in his teeth...

-- Gregory Schmauss

Arsenal is in control!

-- Sundeep

Now that it is what we call a product endorsement
My t-shirt just arrived and I suddenly became more popular! Girls are running for me! Wow! I want to thank beloved Al-Sahaf for the t-shirt.
-- Claudio, from Brazil

Cool - no idea what it means, but cool

-- Troy Zimmerman

I am not fat! I am only big-boned, Allah be praised.

-- J.D. O'Connell

Sniff... We're getting a little emotional too...
It is with great sadness that I make my regular homage to the shrine of MSS in these later days.
A great star blazed across our sky, and too briefly returned to its home in the greater universe!
Why is it that all that bring great joy to our lives stay only so briefly?
Humphrey Bogart, James Dean, Marilyn Monroe, MSS - we lament your passing.
Perhaps the media stonewalling is simply born of sheer grief at the fact that MSS can be found no more!
Oh melancholy day!
My only hope is that the website (and of course the merchandise) remain as an eternal shrine to all who wish to pay homage to the great one.
Keep the faith!
-- Daniel (Ross) Reynolds

We couldn't agree with him more - as usual

"I endorse the commercialized and vulgarized versions of my image offered on this site!
Buy mugs and other giftware from these infidels and support my cause!"
-- Arlene Hunter

He's a big Nick at Nite fan

-- Dan A. Storm


The Infidels are after my Lucky Charms!

-- Bill Andrews


He loves those Egyptian ladies...

"Allah be praised! She wants to kiss me!"
-- Arlene Hunter


Truer words have never been spoken... er, we think
-- RBAIA


And he's never had plastic surgery

"This is not a baby! It is simply a way for me to drop tiny baby shoes on the infidels below who would dare say that I would do something so stupid as to dangle my baby over a railing above a crowd of villians who would claim such a thing. I will not suggest that their stomachs will roast in hell, as I have beat that phrase into the ground, but I will state loudly and honestly that this dangling baby is not a baby at all, but an instrument of shoe dropping, as is obvious to all but the most ignorant of fools."
-- Argon

A true collector's edition

-- Gregory Schmauss

This must be where he got his comedic ability

-- Roberta Niederjohn

The infidel Roadrunner will roast in hell

-- Alan Cochrane

M.S.S. as Yoda

-- Mike Walsh

Overheard in Baghdad
"No, it is not possible. The infidels must arrest me. I am in the deck of cards. Look again. I will be on a card in one hour. That dog Franks promised me. Their leader, my he and his eloquency be praised, has said that I am his "man," that I am "great." Therefore, I am a "great man" and you must take me to him. Praise Allah, I must go to him now. Take me to the Great Bush. If you do not take me to the Great Bush, the Great Bush, his name be praised, will smite you with your own tank and you will wish you had committed suicide at the gates of this city."
-- C. Allison Powell

Pig-dogs...sounds like something he might say

-- Sebastian Comyns

From Young Franken-sahaf

-- Nic Neufeld




This might explain some of his bizarre behavior

-- J.J.

The Microsoft Information Minister

-- Gordon Staines

There are no waves

-- Ozzy

The new remake of the "11" scene from Spinal Tap

-- Deanna Tobin

Wonder if he believes in past lifes -- he would have been perfect...


-- Greg Lambert

We like Cartman with the beard

-- LuAnn Mannix

We could draw this well too, if we really wanted to

-- Murray Webb

Mo, come home!

-- Allen Marsalis

Mohammed, you blockhead

-- David Obuchowski

He keeps going and going and going...

-- Dale Marr

And I do not have breathing problems, this is a lie!

Luke,
I can say, and I am responsible for what I say, that I am not your father. This is another lie of the infidel rebel louts, may their stomachs roast in hell. It is silly, really, to think I might be your father. And [dramatic pause] ... it is stupid. Also, there is no force. Never!
-- LEANNE TAUCK
Well, if he can't see it, how can it be there?

-- J

 

M.S.S. as Apu's understudy

-- Viet La
He's got a special new lady - "Affleck is a wild donkey!"

-- Graham

Sahafists of the world, unite!
You probably have thought of this at WLTIIM.com, but I did want to share with you this info, just in case. In my home, we are fond of a few neologisms inspired by the IIM MSS's name:
sahafist:  1) one who maintains the truth of his utterances or beliefs in face of all evidence to the contrary; 2) any object, action, or person having these tendencies.
sahafism:  1) devotion to statements, pseuo-facts, or ideas which can be proven false; 2) making public statements which are blatantly false; 3) a new sect which arose in modern-day Mesopotamia devoted to crafting exquisite lies [from the founder, Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf]
-- Janet McIlwain

He's a swinger

-- Nick Tattersall

Have you seen me?

-- Robert Nelson

Sound like a cool new cult to us
I LOVE your website! I have ordered 2 t-shirts! I have abandoned my
heathonistic atheism and will embrace al Sahiffism. Praise MSS! I will
speak in short, choppy sentences forever!
-- June

The new Japanese Information Minister

-- Andrew Elliott

Click your heels or we will slaughter you!

- J
Mohammed and the Chocolate Factory

-- Kevin Hermsmeier

Looks like a 404 Error...

-- Rob Wood

A very, very, very bad jedi mind trick

There are no Americans in Iraq.  They do not exist.  You want to go home and rethink your life. 
Praise be to Allah, they are stupid and will fail.  They do not exist.
-- Jason Ansaldo

Maybe he should host a children's show too
A couple weeks ago, MSS heard some Iraqi children telling the poem about Humpty Dumpty. This made him very angry. "That is not true!" he screamed at the children. "It was all an evil conspiracy by the king to get rid of Humpty Dumpty. But Humpty Dumpty never sat on the wall so it didn't work. Humpty Dumpty is still alive. The king's men came saying that they were there to put Humpty Dumpty back together again but when they couldn't find him, they commited suicide on the wall. The evil king and his failed egg-killing infidels were defeated."
-- Kate Shuping

They are like a boa in the desert - no, wait, python, python!

"I triple guarantee you, this parrot is not dead.  This Norwegian Blue, God praise his species, is simply resting.  All I ask is check yourself. Do not in fact repeat these lies!"
-- C. Seftor

MSS's reply to the age old question.... Why did the chicken cross the road?
"We are not afraid of the chicken and, in fact, the cowardly chicken has not crossed the road.  He is an infidel and will burn in the fires of hell.  Allah has condemned him.  The chicken is stupid.  All chickens are stupid" (dramatic pause) "and they are condemned."
-- Christopher Gudukas
"We have the chicken surrounded.   We have destroyed 2 hens, 2 roosters and their coop -- we have driven them back. The chicken is committing suicide under the road.   I have detailed information about the situation...which completely proves that what they allege are illusions . . . It lies every day.  It is not crossing any road.   They are not in control of any road.   I tell you this.   It is all a lie. They're not even within 100 miles of any road. It will never cross the road, I triple guarantee it!  Never!"
-- Susan Finks

They're dropping pencils...

-- Heidi Moynihan

When the opportunity comes, grab it


-- W. Vachet

You're going to need a bigger boat

"For the last time, Chief Brody, there is NO SHARK in these waters!"
-- Jon Hamilton

Artistic Differences
Eric Clapton has duoed with some of the greatest guitarists in history. Performing here, with Mohammed al-Sahaf of Saddam and his Baghdad Blowhards, his career has taken a new turn. However, there was some confusion as to the success of this collaboration. It seems there was some animosity between them.
"This guy can't play patty cake, let alone guitar," said Clapton. But, al-Sahaf disagrees. "Patty cake?! I was pattying cakes while your grandfathers were scratching around in the caves of England! I can assure you that your guitar will roast in hell, and your guitar strings will be stretched and cut in the appropriate way," exclaimed al-Sahaf.
Later, Clapton admitted he should try to limit his future partners to those who are much more down-to-earth, "like Frank Zappa, or something."
-- Bill Hutto

-- The Classics --

OUR New Minister of Information!
Dear comrades at welovetheiraqiinformationminister.com:
It has been reported online by CNN.com, that ragtag band of mercenary so-called "journalists," founded by that capitalist running dog Ted Turner and his infidel traitor harlot wife, that our glorious WeLoveTheIraqiInformationMinister.com website keeps crashing due to lack of network bandwidth and server space. Here are the lies spread by this whorehouse full of heathen louts, as if anyone would believe the (click here for article)
Those CNN villains claim that we are taking 4,000 hits per second, but by my estimation it is WE who are giving THEM 4,000 hits per millisecond. Their server machines continue to commit suicide, and their webmasters are hiding behind the overpriced coffee makers in their decadent break rooms like the criminal coward bastards that they are.
It is obvious to anyone who looks around that, God willing, we will bury CNN's underpowered servers and their inbred webmasters in hell, where they belong.
-- Daniel Lyddy

Almost makes us want to stop.... NAH!
Please stop making fun of me. I am not funny! I would like to admit making very small mistake, but you should not mock me like this. It is not good and God will punish you, God willing. My mistake is this small one. In strategic operations bunker in Baghdad, we have big planning table with little plastic army troops to see what is happening in war. We have little black markers and little red markers. For weeks now, the little black markers have been wiping out the little red ones. On Monday, little red one were almost gone. I thought courageous Iraqi warriors the black ones and Bush-American wild donkey dogs were red ones. Then on Monday, I go out to talk to media big fat liars and when I go back strategic operations bunker was all gone and only a big hole in ground. A few seconds later, one of Saddam (may God preserve him)'s shoes fall out of sky and hit me on head. It is only then that I realize we were red ones all along. So you see, I tell truth all along and only make little itty bitty mistake. Now I have to live in cave. This is no funny. I am not retard please.
Sincerely, your friend,
--Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf

Soon to be in a million dorm rooms

-- J
Now this is art

-- Val Kinsi

I tell ya, I get no respect
Q: How many Al-Sahaf's does it take to change a lightbulb?
 A: There is no need to change the lightbulb. It glows brilliantly, basking in the power of the wholly intact and fully functional local power station. The room is not dark, and there is no bruise on your knee from the furniture you didn't walk into - Allah be Praised!
-- Mike Alexander

We smell a new money-making franchise

-- Phoebe

Don't look behind you...

-- HazyDan

MSS Preservation Society?
Your web pages - brilliant!
Through your esteemed website could you please mount an urgent campaign for the coalition to spare M.S.S. at all costs - he is too much of a global asset to be murdered/shot/bombed/incinerated or otherwise wasted.
Nor should he be tried for war crimes - on the contrary - he should be rewarded for maintaining the morale of the coalition troops and, as you pages rightly point out, for providing an alternative to the banal messages to camera made by conventional reporters.  [Perhaps:  Purple Heart - "Some gave all, all gave some"?,  VC - "For valour" , etc.]
-- John Northridge

Coining Words
I recently suggested a word to pseudodictionary.com
al-Sahafism
noun
The speech delivery method and mannerism of Iraqi Information Minister Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf where he states a lie so defiantly that the listener begins to question whether it is himself or the speaker who is crazy.
Also
verb
al-Sahaf, al-Sahafed, al-Sahafing
To lie with the utmost defiance.
noun
al-Sahaf
A lie that is so unbelievable that it becomes a piece of fictional art.
Usage example:
Michael Jackson said in an interview that he had only one plastic surgery.
That was a good bit of al-Sahafism.
-- Dyske

Mohammed? Is that you? Come back to us please!
Dear Sirs,
I am flattered with your website, it contains many truths, things I might say myself. However I with to point out a dreadful inaccuracy. You are far from the truth.
I am not on administrative leave. I am on holiday. The war against the invading sons of camels, infidelity committing infidels and seven Australians, is going so well that my boss Saddam (Allah preserve him and his bronze statues - which are still standing, by the way) has given me time off for a holiday.
I am currently in Florida visiting Disneyland; there are no American here and many cartoon characters (I am soon hoping to become one), are committing suicide in their thousands. They are quaking in their boots and staining their underwear at the threat of an Iraqi invasion. We will prevail; it has been written.
Must go now as I going to the movies to see my favourite movie; "Failing to save Private Ryan".
Have a nice day,
-- Mohammed Saeed al Sahaf, Iraqi Minister of Information (from his Hotmail address apparently)

THE National Treasure
It is the supreme duty of the coalition forces to make sure this man is given safe haven once he returns from administrative leave. Now that the Iraqi museums have been stripped clean, it seems that apart from a few burning oil wells, MSS is the only national treasure remaining to the Iraqi people.
My feeling, as usual, is that MSS should be appointed the Minister of Information for the new administration of Iraq. Funds for his salary could be easily found through a host of eager corporate sponsors. In a part of the world where no US or UK infidel spokesman has any credibility, MSS could give out credible daily press conferences on how the reconstruction efforts are going.
-- Anura Saparamadu

We'll put you under consideration, Bob
This is not an e-mail. You are not reading this.
I dispute your silly claim of the existence of M.S.S. -- he is a fabrication of your imaginations. The American news media has invented a contrived contraption they are calling "WeLoveTheIraqiForeignMinister.com" which most clearly is not in existence as M.S.S. is a fiction designed to fool peace loving people into believing there is a country called Iraq, where an Information Minister dwells. But as there IS no Iraq, nor is it in the Middle East, as there IS no "Middle East", there can not be any sort of M.S.S. It logically follows, therefore, that there is no such aforementioned web page and, as a result there is no e-mail. You are not reading this. It is impossible. Impossible!
(If they can't find M.S.S., can I have his job?
 -- Bob Schmalfeldt

Live at the Improv
A new era has dawned in comedy. Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf has finally answered his calling in life, bringing laughter to the masses. Spotted here at the Improv, he warmed the audience with his own unique style; first puzzling them with his outlandish opening, and then finally receiving thunderous applause, once they caught on to his disassociation-with-Earth antics.
He claims he has found a new insight into humor he refers to as reverse irony, where you "rant with nonsense proclamations, quickly," and then finish off by "denying that the laughing audience understands my jokes." In other news, Rodney Dangerfield is bringing his career to a close. He says that he now feels respected, and is at a loss for new ideas.
-- Bill Hutto

An anagram
Iraqi Information Minister Mohammed Said al-Sahhaf =
I misinform familiar hate on-air, at home in Saddam's HQ
-- Mick

The Joker - 53rd card in the infamous "death pack"

-- Robert Maxwell Reid

Maybe we should start a "The Bachelor - M.S.S." TV show...
Hey guys! Great site! It's about time someone paid homage to my current boyfriend! I love this guy and miss him terribly (wow! Looks like I have lots of competition tho'). Now I longer have to crawl cyberspace trying to dig up the dirt and gossip on my man as you have it all in one place. Thank You!
-- Connie
aka Mrs. Mohammed Wanna-Be
---
I LOVE MO
I want to be impregnated by this noble steed you call Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf The Iraqi information minister...  and bare his noble son.
I'm sure he would never consider breeding with a "wild donkey"  I do, however,  have good genes.
I LOVE YOU MO! CALL ME!
-- Angela

Paradise Lost
Not since Milton's Paradise Lost, has anti-hero stolen the show.
Blair may hit us with waves of PR from the media belts in Islington, but this man stands defiant, never to submit or yield.
An ounce of his belief and retribution is worth more than the coalitions trade in perception,
-- Colm Earner

Has a certain logical appeal
In regards to suggestions as to who should play M.S.S in a large scale Hollywood production, I would like to put forward Micheal Clark Duncan (The Green Mile, Daredevil, The Scorpion King) as the perfect person to play M.S.S., as he is neither black, or tall, just like Mr Al-Sahaf. Please find attatched a picture of Mr Duncan, and be in awe at the astoundingly uncanny physical resemblance between both gentlemen. It really is frightening.
-- Mark McQuillan

Cartoons are funny

-- N. Anthony Bonaparte (Napoleon)

And the Cubs will win the Series
I propose a petition to Tommy Franks: take M.S.S. alive at all costs, he has a bright future in American media. One sportswriter friend of mine suggests he could be the Tampa Bay Devil Rays' PR flak: "we are in first place and further distancing ourselves from the mercenary Yankees...may Steinbrenner and his last-place hired dogs roast in hell forever!"
-- Brian Donohue

Lawyers in Awe
Lovin' it - this gentleman has achieved bullshit that transcends bullshit and becomes a thing of wonder. As a lawyer I can only stand back and watch in awe.
-- Tim Cunion

Brian Blessed
I think you should cast Brian Blessed and blithely insist that he looks and
sounds exactly like MSS, ignoring all the evidence to the contrary.
-- Christopher Shevlin

What Tank?
Thanks for the site - I was having a really shit day and it really cheered me up. I thought you might like this picture of MSS I knocked up

-- Colette Mason

Worse Than the Axis of Evil
By the way I heard the M.S.S. has a new job working for RJR Reynolds.
-- Dan Schoen

Translation Issues
Pardon my ignorance of Arabic.  I hope you can answer this question.
Apparently "al" means "the"... as in  Al Queda means "the base."
What does Sahaf mean?  My friend tells me it means "Village Idiot."  Is that true?
-- Tory Lynn
ed. note: Sorry, Tory, we are reliably told that Sahaf translates as 'bookmaker' or 'bookbinder'. Though we are also told that there is some debate as to whether it more closely translates to 'journalist'.

M.S.S. Spotted!
Where is he now ? Iraqi information minister recently spotted with blonde infidel.!!!!!!!!

-- Howard Gough

We're here to help
This site has really turned a shitty day into a happy one. Thank you.
The fella is living proof of the old Army saying "Bullshit baffles brains"
He's could not have been invented, even by Blair's spin doctors! He's hilarious.
Cheers, and thank you.
-- Charles White

Maybe too clever...
Baghdad Bob will survive by hiding in plain sight.
He will assume the role of Vincent "Chin" Gigante (off to prison) and you can see him in jammies and slippers, drooling as he walks the west village of Manhattan.
Look for him. Say hello.
-- Maciag

I got a thousand more...
MSS dies and 63 angels are sent to take him to heaven. When asked "why so many angels?" God replies "Three to bring him and the other sixty to convince him he's dead!"
-- John

Funny but I bet it tastes like crap
As the manager of Novus Restaurant located next to Fork Union Military Academy, I would like to share our latest recipe with you. Here is the Novus Restaurant "Baghdad Bob Half Baked Baloney Sandwich": Take 2 slices of bread (All-American white bread works well too), and fill with as much baloney as humanly possible. Cut in half and bake ONE half in oven (or place in stomach and bake in hell). Serve with a side of crow. (Rumor has it the info. minister has seen this sandwich, but insists it is not there.

inuiticeandtonic.com
I need a head of marketing/sales/investment banking relations/SEC liaison for my new pyramid dot com which will sell ice and my cure all tonic to Eskimos . If you hear from MSS would you please have him send me his resume. I am truly impressed with his "if you can't dazzle them with brilliance- baffle them with bullshit" attitude. I need to talk with him before he is contacted by Dr. Koop, and definitely before he and Ross Perot form a joint venture.
Rob U. Blind
President
inuiticeandtonic.com

Proud to be of help
Guys,
I'm stuck here in this hellish desert and when our intel dept. found your website they spiced up their breifings with various slides and quotes you provided. This has been the best laugh of the war!
Who needs Bob Hope and the USO when we have you and M.S.S.?
Thanks for the memories!
-- CJ, Prince Sultan Air Base, Saudi Arabia

Maybe the Waterloo pic pissed him off (too lazy to translate, but it's not very nice)
Je ne sais pas si vous parlez au moins le français, mais si c'est le cas je peux vous dire que je suis indigné par votre sponsoring du site se "moquant" du ministrE de l'information Irakien, vous devriez tout d'abord "balayer devant votre porte" et visionner les déclarations de l'ensemble de vos dirigeants depuis le début de ce conflit.
Méfiez vous, de plus en plus de citoyens du monde vont faire de "l'anti américanisme primaire" !!
En ne vous saluant Pas !!!
-- JF LE BERRE

A Classic

-- Andrew S. Zamborsky

Time to cast the supporting characters
I think you've got it right with sidney pollack, but what about al-Dhouri? (the Iraqi ambassador to the UN). He seemed about to break into "New York New York" during his farewell appearance on the streets of that city, so how about Liza Minelli to play him?
-- Richard Saul

Fair is fair... and what about the Poles?
The thing that really annoys me about the Iraqi Information Minister is that there are no insults for the Australians. We deserve to be insulted too!! We're as deserving as the Yanks and the Brits.
-- Ian

A day at the zoo...
Well, war is no joke, but this web site (almost) makes it all worth while. Since he’s so entertaining, MSS should be found and put in a little cage at a petting zoo so people can come and stare at him and throw peanuts at him. Try to get him to do some tricks maybe. Can you not imagine him hanging off the bars ranting something that might sound like this: "These infidels think they are surrounding me, but it is I who is surrounding them, stupid bastards. Their morsels tossed with cowardly cowardness are not peanuts, but filet mignon and caviar. They will be welcomed with banana peels and shoes, and will surrender or die. And they are not here, it is all lies, they are not in Goats N Ducks Family Fun Petting Zoo.  But they are committing suicide at the fencing enclosure, inside their tanks and beside their shovels by the thousands. I will be finalizing this very soon, and soon will dine on roast stomach."
-- Lorraine Clarkson

The beauty of haiku
The dogs are dying
Dead on the gates of Baghdad
You heard it here first

Americans here?
You are lying to me right?
They are nowhere near.

Ten thousand stomachs
Roasting on Allah's spit rod
I am not crazy

Maybe they are around
But not out at the airport.
I have crapped my pants
--Simon Bowers

And a limerick
Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf
Could barely conceal his laugh
Face to face with the press
He declared success
Over the Anglo-American rif-raff
-- Nathan Jones

For our British coalition partners (Yanks please note that this refers to football, er, soccer)

-- sent by many British football fans

Capitalism is alive and well
"We have destroyed 2 tanks, fighter planes, 2 helicopters and their shovels - We have driven them back."
Regarding the above quote, I represent a consortium of several American hardware stores and was wondering if you guys might know who we could contact at the US Army. We figure that they probably want to replace all of those destroyed shovels. I'm sure we could get them a real good price. Maybe you guys could put in a good word for us.
-- Dave Turissini

Didn't he see our suggestion of William Shatner?
No, no, no......You’ve got it all wrong, this approach to identifying an actor to play MSS; you’re going on looks, mannerisms and relative popularity, which isn’t the New Hollywood Way (NHW). No, the NHW is to cast someone transcends those sadly limiting factors; someone who would be both immensely different in all ways from the character they’re portraying and devoid of any acting range -- thus shocking the audience and engendering anticipation for the film even before the first preview.  With that, I submit that the NHW for portraying MSS is..........SLJ (Samuel L. Jackson)! Who better to deliver a performance that would make us forget the authenticity of MSS, while treating us to a generous helping of urban obscenities too strong for even the Badhdad-storming Marine “infidels”?
So, stop the search immediately; in SLJ, you’ve got your man!
-- J. Steach

al-Sahaf of the Antarctic
Allah be praised the Imperial English Lions have
conquered the South Pole! The Norweigans are not
anywhere to be seen. The British flag flies at the
pole first – walk there yourself to see my words are
true. I am not cold and neither should you be. Oates
has not been out for some time – I will show you video
showing he is safe in his tent with Captain Scott and
the rest of the victorious team. Amundsen and his
satanic dogs will be suffering frostbite in hell.
-- Marcus Fry

But was it really worth the framed certificate and gift certificate to the Gap?
I was lost in admiration for this man.
Anyone who can stand on top of a building surrounded by the the rubble of his city and deny the existance of the US army and air force while continuing to represent his absent boss must surely qualify for "employee of the year"?
-- Roland

Speaking of the that framed certificate...

-- Darrell Houle

A devoted fan... maybe too devoted
Love the man! Can I have his baby?
If he isn't found soon, could we contact the Raelians so I can have his clone?
If not, I will rename my cat after him.
-- DJ Bleam

He can dance if he wants to...

-- Karsten Sorensen

One, two, cha-cha-cha

-- Phoebe

For our hockey fans

-- Sent by many hockey (Avalanche?) fans

For our football (er, again, soccer) fans

-- Stuart Blackburn

So glad we're not alone...
My brother, who is currently serving in Iraq told me that there is an unwritten rule agreed upon by a large number of our troops in Iraq.
If the Iraqi Information Minister is still in Iraq, he is to be taken ALIVE under any circumstances.
They say a man that funny doesn't deserve to die.
Some of the guys are saying they want to bring him to the US so he can audition for a part on Saturday Night Live.
-- Jason K


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