We Love the Iraqi Information Minister

M.S.S. - What's Next
So what's next for our man M.S.S.? Well, if he turns down our movie offer and assuming he's not, y'know, dead or anything unfortunate like that, we have some suggestions and so do our readers.

The New Cubs Spokesman

(sent by Kurt Makse)

It's Mo's Nursery School

The Infidel dog Dumpty attempted suicide at the wall, however, all the Kings’ horses and men were able to put him together again. The spider is crushed by Miss Moffat’s Shoe. She is not scared and nor should you be my friends. Do not believe the lies of the bastard dish. He did not run away with the spoon. There is no spoon! The cow is stuck on the moon; soon her stomach, ribs, rumps and sirloins will be roasting! The beautiful pea green boat is not worth an old shoe. Girls who do not cry and, wish for more kisses besiege Georgie Porgie. The boys have not come out to play and we had not anticipated this. Jack is safe, he has a pail of water and his crown, praise Allah, remains unbroken. This was a lie spread by the prostitute Jill. I triple guarantee you Baa Baa Black Sheep has no wool. Never! I blame the master, his dame and the little boy who lives down the lane; they are marketing for the blood sucking bastard sheep! The mouse remains surrounded in his clock, which has struck two. He is most welcome. We will butcher him. Hans Christian Anderson and the Brothers Grimm are stupid (dramatic pause) and they are condemned.
(sent by Bud Rose)

The New Scarecrow

(sent by Craig)

The Newest Member of Blue Man Group

(sent by Jim Florida)

Software Programmer

(sent by Stephen. McCaslin)

The Great Escape Part II

(sent by Sean Thomas)

(sent by Juliette)

The New Butthead

We will kill them all........most of them... That would be cool!!!
(sent by Jack Dickson)

The Karate Kid Part IV

"Daniel-San, do not listen to the infidel Miyagi. You are wise to follow my genius. There is no wax, and there never was! The crane stance is for puny minded infidels, this is my slapping shoe stance! You must fear it! It was brought to us by the ancestor of Saddam-San...praise him! The Cobra-Kai infidels shall be urinating themselves and committing suicide outside of their dojo! I am not afraid of them, and neither should you be! Catching flies with chopsticks proves nothing!"
(sent by M. Geiger)

(sent by Christopher G Gudukas)

The Return of the Monkees!

(sent by Dan Reynolds)

New Game Show Host (for our British coalition partners)

(sent by Denis Lukianov)

(sent by Tonina Sambataro)

His New Movie

(sent by Thamer)

(sent by Linda Toki)

The Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf Grill

(sent by liquidskingomez)

(sent by Zeke)

The Lost in Space Sequel

(sent by John Kimball)

(sent by Eric Koepfle)

The New Legolas

(sent by Debbie Hiner)

(sent by Roberta Niederjohn)

The New Spinal Tap

Apocalypse Now - The Sequel

(sent by Buzz)

The New 3rd Party Presidential Candidate

(sent by Eric)

Butch and Sundance - The Sequel

(sent by Buzz)

(sent by Jamal)

The Fantasy Island Remake

(sent by Will and David Houchin)

Fitness Guru

(sent by La Viet)

The New "Cute" Boy of 'N Sync

(sent by Will and David Houchin)

The new Indiana Jones

(sent by Matthias M. von Loew)

Who needs Jerry?

(sent by Christopher Gudukas)

Manager of an International House of Pancakes

(sent by Dafna)

The new Superman

(sent by Bruce Carter)

He's putting on the big red shoes for Ringling Brothers...

(sent by vze3594)

The new Gollum in Lord of the Rings

We will kill them all ... most of them ... if they are here... but they aren't. The infidels. The nasty, sneaky infidels. We hates them, my precious. We taught them a mighty lesson, yesssss. Their nasty sneaky mercenary stomachies will roassst in hell. They can't take my precious away from Gollum, no precious. The WMD were a birthday present for good Gollum. [shaking fist at the full Moon, with a dead fish in other
hand] We hates them, those villainous louts, those mercenaries, the evil wild donkeyss. They are sick dogs... and Gollum will place them in a quagmire, yesss precious, and destroy their tanksies, helicopters, and [dramatic pause] shovels.... Truly.
(sent by Leanne Tauck)

(sent by Ronnie W. Mathisen)

His new action drama "Knight Liar"

(sent by L.Gormley & A.McGoff)

(sent by Ian)

He's starting a Motown revival

(sent by W. Vachet)

Starring in a new miniseries

(sent by Allen Sherman)

Spokesman for the city of Toronto (nice shirt...)

(sent by Mike Jones)

The New American Idol Judge

(sent by SSgt Andrews)

Book Author

(sent by Dan Whelan)

New Bengals Coach

(sent by Jim Sullivan)

The Tonight Show with Mo

(sent by Dan Deloatch)

Late Night with Mo

(sent by Carla Bauer)

Movie Stardom!

(sent by Gregory Schmauss)

(sent by Simon Murley & Bjorn Tisander)

Tech Support

"Bugs? There are no bugs. We have destroyed two bugs, two anomalies, and a misspelling. We have driven them back. I guarantee you, there are no bugs in our software. Those who say there are bugs, (dramatic pause) THEY are the bugs. All they tell is lies, lies, and more lies! - Thank you for calling Microsoft support. (click)"
(sent by Richard Berry)
Beauty Pageant Contestant

It is damned Imperialist lie that I am a man! I was chosen by free and democratic vote of glorious population of my country to represent Iraq in Miss World! I shall win! All other competitors are trapped at Baghdad Airport! The situation is excellent, I believe their graves will be there!
(sent by Steve Bell)

(sent by A.J.)

The new lead dancer in River Dance

(sent by Wong)

El Matador

(sent by Lou Daniels)

His new daytime show

(sent by Rene Thurston)

NYC Taxi Driver

(sent by Will Houchin)

He's a rock n' roll star

In a recent press conference, the newest and most kick-ass member of Def Leppard, Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf, announced that bad '80's metal is not dead, and has, in fact, never been dead and will defeat ANY infidel liar with shoes and a wicked guitar solo.
(sent by Kasey Patterson)

The Wacky Weatherman

(sent by Jeff Petric)

Living the Simple Life

"Corn? What corn? There is no corn in Indiana!"
(sent by Anji)

Viva Las Vegas! Elvis impersonator

"Impersonator? Hah, I am the King himself, Allah be praised.
I will slap you with blue suede shoe for these lies"
(pic sent by Ronald Law)

Chinese Information Minister?

(sent by Finn)

Email Spammer - He has a very important business opportunity just for you
Dear sir or madam as the case may be,

Permit me to introduce myself, i am dr. (Litt.d.,Saddam Hussein University of public relations) Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf, minister of information of iraq. You may have seen me on cnn. The progress of the war is so satisfactory, as several million infidel troops have killed themselves at the walls of baghdad and allah is roasting the stomachs of the rest in hell, that we see no longer any need for press briefings.

I am writing you about a highly urgent and confidential matter. Our president, the delight of the arabs and the saladin of the PRESENT age, the honorable Saddam Hussein, places especial trust in your business acumen and integrity and further has great gratitude for your staunch support against the schemes of the infidels, whose stomachs, as i have said, allah is roasting in hell.

He wishes to acquire your valued assistance in transferring the sum of 300 billion uSD, now held in one of his accounts in the peoples bank of Turkmenistan, to an account in your esteemed country. He would attend to this matter himself were he not now deeply engaged in appearing at the many spontaneous celebrations of victory that have broken out in our country, especially at the syrian border.

For your services in this matter, our president, following the traditional customs of arab hospitality, will pay you a processing fee of 75%.

If you are willing to undertake this service for us, you will be made an honorary citizen of iraq and converted to islam without further charge. Please reply with all credit card account numbers, bank account numbers and associated passwords as a sign of good faith.

I remain your obedient servant, at least on the assumption that you are not an infidel, in which case, as your stomach is being roasted in hell, it will be difficult for you to arrange the desired transaction.

Yours,
dr. muhammed saeed al-shaf
Minister of Information
vice chairman, saddam hussein glee club
(sent in by Sam McCracken)